The Millionaires’ Express (1986)

Honestly, it should be called the Millionaires Hotel. Not enough train.

I was disappointed as a teen by the lack of wall to wall action, but I am a refined adult now and can appreciate medieval art and Sammo Hung whipping out his schlong to piss on an overheated machine gun as Kenny Bee stares at Hung’s absolute unit and lets out a “Whoaaaaaa”

I can also enjoy the cavalcade of Hong Kong stars that parade through the scenery including a murderer’s row of all-time action greats that include Dick Wei, Yukari Oshima, Hwang Jang-Lee, and Cynthia Rothrock. How can I dismiss a film where Yuen Biao side-flip from the fourth floor of a burning building and lands with a…