American Hustle (2013)

AD: “Auteurs Direct, this is Ryan, how may I help you?”

DOR: “Returns, please.”

AD: “Which Auteurs Direct product are you looking to return today?”

DOR: “I ordered one Scorsese ’70s Starter Kit, but I was sent the Ted Demme version instead. I’m looking for the Scorsese, the vintage model.”

AD: “I’m afraid your previous orders suggest the Scorsese ’70s Starter Kit isn’t compatible with your toolset, so that’s why we sent you the Ted Demme. You’ve purchased the Remedial Pop-music Education download, the Swirling Camera Outboard Motor, and the Vaguely Incoherent Character Motivation Centerpiece. Those three purchases suggest your video card won’t be able to handle the Scorsese Kit, which requires at least 60 gigabytes of Thematic Cohesion, a…