Could You Please Review Ielts Writing Task 1 Essay

The bar chart compares the frequency of Americans eating out in fast food restaurants from 2003 to 2013. (That is not precise. There are only three time points shown. What is plotted? What are the categories? YOu need to describe these for coherence and cohesion in the essay. Do not use “peak” for bar charts. You cannot see the values in years that are not plotted.)

Overall, the majority of people in the USA went to fast food restaurants at least once a week. On the other hand, the figures (wrong word) for the Americans that ate in fast food restaurants every day was the lowest over a period of ten years. (That is not good English)

In detail details, the proportion of people in the USA eating fast junk food once a week was the highest in 2003, (That is wrong. 31% is not the highest value. The highest value is in 2006.) at roughly 31%. Furthermore, it reached a peak of around 33% in 2006, followed by a moderate decline (Do not use words for line graphs with continuous data in bar charts which only has discrete time points.) in 2013, to nearly 28%. By contrast, the percentage of Americans eating in fast food restaurant once or twice a month hit an all-time low (incorrect. ALl time means from 1945 through 2020) of around 25% in 2006. By 2013, it had rose (wrong form) significantly, peaking at approximately 33%. With regards to people eating junk food every day and those who never went to fast food restaurants, the figures for these two categories remained almost unchanged, at around 4% and 5% respectively.

You have a lot of repetition.
You need to describe the bar graph more completely in the opening paragraph.

You need to make more “big picture” observations.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.