97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler
If you require some humor in your workflow — you might need some quotes. Below, we have compiled funny quotes for work-exhausted people. Some are funny and shareable, so share them with your colleagues. If one of them is much funnier than the others — upvote it. On the other hand, if you have a saying of your own that you would like to share — do so in the comments below.
When reading the more positive and hilarious work quotes — you might need to take the time to understand them, especially if you aren’t working in a certain field. Sales and marketing professionals have plenty of funny, inspirational work quotes that boost their confidence. Whether you are a ruthless mobster or a corporate executive — you can be sure that there are some funny quotes at work you can share.
Motivational sayings have nothing against funny work quotes that dot the internet and get shared with colleagues. Working 9-to-5 every day might get boring, so it’s only natural to have some fun at the cost of work hours. The funny quotes about work we hear at our offices hit much differently when monotonous tasks need some color. The factors that make those funny quotes about working hilarious have to be mixed and matched.
#1
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
#2
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
#3
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
#4
“The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.”
#5
“Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”
#6
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”
#7
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
#8
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”
#9
“I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”
#10
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
#11
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because… they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
#12
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
#13
“There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.”
#14
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.”
#15
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.”
#16
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
#17
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali
#18
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
#19
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
#20
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
#21
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
#22
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
#23
“Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!”
#24
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”
#25
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
#26
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
#27
“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
#28
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
#29
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
#30
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
#31
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” – Scott Adams
#32
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
#33
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
#34
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
#35
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
#36
“No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
#37
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
#38
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.” – Mark Twain
#39
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy
#40
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
#41
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” – Alan Alda
#42
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
#43
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
#44
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
#45
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
#46
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
#47
“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” — Doug Larson
#48
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
#49
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”
#50
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
#51
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
#52
“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost
#53
“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”
#54
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
#55
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” - Kin Hubbard
#56
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
#57
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
#58
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
#59
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” – Rita Rudner
#60
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams
#61
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
#62
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.'” – Chris Rock
#63
“Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” — George Burns
#64
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
#65
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
#66
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoret
#67
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
#68
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
#69
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
#70
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman
#71
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
#72
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
#73
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
#74
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” — Jarod Kintz
#75
“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
#76
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” – Michel Tournier
#77
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
#78
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
#79
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
#80
“Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” — Jim Murray
#81
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
#82
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
#83
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
#84
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
#85
“An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” – William Castle
#86
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.”
#87
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
#88
“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt
#89
“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” – Larry Winget
#90
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.”
#91
“If at first you don’t succeed, try management.”
#92
“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” — Kevin Malone
#93
“Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.” — Lou Brutus
#94
“I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.” — Chris Southwave
#95
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
#96
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
#97
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating… retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
