51 Funny Work Quotes to Get You Through the Day

A few funny work quotes a day can keep the workday blues away

It’s Monday morning, and the incessant trill of your alarm has woken you from a pretty great dream. What’s motivating you to get out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button for the seventh time? Probably not a burning desire to go to work. Even if you love your job, it can be difficult to face another daunting workweek. But don’t worry—we have just the thing for a case of the Mondays: funny work quotes.

Because, really, nothing’s better than a big belly laugh to start your week off right. While Monday motivation quotes, funny inspirational quotes, funny work memes, funny quotes and funny coffee quotes can also do the trick, sometimes you just need classic funny work quotes to get up and at ’em in the morning. So sit back, relax and get ready for some work-related chuckles.

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Funny quotes about work

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Funny work quotes can be the antidote to even the strongest workday blues. If you need a little extra cheering, listen to these funny podcasts during your morning commute.

1. “As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job: payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays and, of course, retirement.” —Tom Goins

2. “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.” —Anonymous

3. “The difference between ‘try’ and ‘triumph’ is just a little umph!” —Marvin Phillips

4. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams

5. “Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” —Pablo Picasso

6. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

7. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” —Bertrand Russell

8. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” —Charles Lamb

9. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” —George Carlin

10. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

11. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.” —African proverb

12. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” —Oscar Wilde

13. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” —Don Marquis

Funny boss quotes

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Love them or hate them (or most likely, a little bit of both), there’s no doubt that your boss can strongly influence your workday mood. If reading funny books, funny poems and funny limericks doesn’t raise your spirit, check out these funny boss quotes to brighten your day instead.

14. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” —John Gotti

15. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” —Niels Bohr

16. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” —Anonymous

17. “There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.” —Peter Drucker

18. “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” —Doug Larson

19. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” —Robert Frost

20. “If at first you don’t succeed, try management.” —Anonymous

21. “Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.” —Anonymous

22. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” —Groucho Marx

23. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” —Peter Drucker

24. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” —Earl Nightingale

25. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” —Andy Stanley

26. “Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” —Jim Murray

Funny co-worker quotes

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Co-workers: They’re some of the best people when it comes to sharing funny movie quotes and spitballing some funny one-liners. But sometimes they just get on your nerves. Instead of taking it out on them, read these funny co-worker quotes to commiserate.

27. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller

28. “I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt

29. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” —Bill Gates

30. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” —Clarence Darrow

31. “Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” —Kevin Malone, The Office

32. “It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” —Alan Alda

33. “Co-workers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” —Anonymous

If you’re enjoying these, give these funny sayings a go too.

Funny Monday quotes

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Funny work quotes are some of the only things strong enough to fight off the Sunday Scaries—by joking about Monday morning, of course. And if these aren’t enough, check out some uplifting inspirational quotes that’ll add some extra motivation to your workweek.

34. “I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday and 5% Friday.” —Anonymous

35. “There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.” —Anonymous

36. “Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.” —Lou Brutus

37. “The shortest horror story: Monday.” —Anonymous

38. “Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!” —Anonymous

39. “The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.” —Anonymous

40. “I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.” —Chris Southwave

41. “Why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so bloody close to Monday?” —Anonymous

Funny dream job quotes

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We all have hopes and aspirations, though some people’s goals are more active than others. Whether your dream job entails selling, consulting or sleeping till noon, these funny work quotes are sure to resonate.

42. “Getting paid to sleep … that’s my dream job.” —Anonymous

43. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” —David Letterman

44. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” —Groucho Marx

45. “If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” —Jarod Kintz

46. “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” —Anonymous

47. “Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” —George Burns

48. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” —A.A. Milne

49. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin

50. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” —Zig Ziglar

51. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” —Ted Turner

Need some more laughs? Browse these Monday memes until you laugh (or cry), then check out some Friday memes to end your week on the right foot.

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