16 Polite Habits Teachers Actually Dislike—and What to Do Instead

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Signing up for the last parent-teacher conference slot so you’ll have longer to talk

There are the parents who don’t show up for any conferences (and then wonder why they don’t know when their child is in trouble), but you can also swing too far in the other direction. “I always appreciate the parents who want to be involved in their child’s education, but sometimes I have parents sign up for multiple slots on parent-teacher night or purposely pick the latest time so that we can ‘talk longer.’ They think it’s polite because then they’re not making anyone wait for them,” says Ashleigh K., an elementary school teacher in Texas. “Don’t do that. I’m exhausted by that point, and I have to give every parent equal time, so it’s not fair to them either.”

Do this instead: Sign up for one slot during parent-teacher conferences, show up on time and finish on time. Period. If you need to talk with the teacher for longer than 15 minutes, schedule a separate time to meet, or send a detailed email. It’s a fine line, we know, and you’ll see that line crossed in these teacher memes.

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Sending in boxes of chocolates or candy

When parents send in surprise sweets for a teacher, they’re often meant as a thank-you because the parents feel a card isn’t enough. But while the occasional chocolate bar or bag of candy is OK, with 30-plus students in a classroom, treats are sometimes constantly being brought in, says Jon W., who has worked as a director in early childhood education for 25 years. “I like chocolate as much as the next guy, but it ends up being an unhealthy temptation,” he explains. “Plus, the kids see it and want some, and it can turn into a real distraction.”

Do this instead: Skip the food gifts, says Jon, or ask the secretary to put them in the teacher’s break room, where they aren’t immediately visible to staff and kids. Or if you want to express your gratitude, every teacher we talked to shared how much they love personal notes from both parents and kids. Don’t worry about giving a gift with it—your thank-you note is truly enough on its own, says Jennie.

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Disciplining a student for them

Teachers definitely appreciate when parents support appropriate discipline for their children, but coming up with punishments on your own isn’t always helpful, especially if they require the teacher to carry them out. “I had a kid moon me—full-on moon me—because he was angry, and the school suspended him. His mom said that instead of suspension, she’d bring him to the school on a Saturday and he would have to help me clean my classroom. She argued that would be a better consequence for him, since suspension just meant he got a day off school but he absolutely hated cleaning,” says Jennie. “I get it, but that’s a punishment for me too! No thank you! The last thing I want to do is take one of my days off to babysit a surly teenager who’s already mad at me.” (Sounds like the plot of a teacher movie to us!)

Do this instead: “All kids act up sometimes. It’s normal, and we get it,” Jennie says. “We’re not trying to parent your kid—all we ask is that you just work with us on how to deal with the behavior.” When it comes to an effective consequence at school, listen to the teacher and administrators, and support them. (If it feels unjust to you, you can ask to speak to the principal about it.) If you feel like your child needs an additional consequence, like the cleaning chore above, save that for home, when you can supervise.