110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace

Without lively chats and witty humor, the workplace might become the last place on earth where anybody would want to be. So how about making the environment a tad bit more lively? Amazingly enough, we may have just the thing for you—a hilarious list of funny work quotes that would be perfect for your workplace.

Do you know that every chuckle or shared joke brings with it a slew of business benefits, according to research from prestigious schools like Wharton, MIT, and London Business School?

Maybe you’re stressed out because of a looming deadline, or you’re tired of watching the same office scenes day after day. Or perhaps you’re simply grumpy since you had to switch out of your PJs and slip into proper pants today.

Or maybe it’s just MONDAY! And we all know how Mondays are…

But you know what? Work stress may be high for you and your employees right now, but you do have some control over it.

When you feel your load becoming heavier, it’s time to look for something exciting and hilarious to help you relieve stress with a hearty laugh.

No matter how complex your job has been, this list of funny work quotes is the easiest way to lift your spirits and cheer you up.

So, here’s our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace:

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1. Bill Gates

I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
~ Bill Gates

2. Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.
~ Groucho Marx

3. Leslie Nielsen

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.
~ Leslie Nielsen

4. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

5. John Gotti

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.
~ John Gotti

6. Peter Drucker

Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.
~ Peter Drucker

7. Dwight D. Eisenhower

It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.
~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

8. Elbert Hubbard

People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.
~ Elbert Hubbard

9. Clarence Darrow

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.
~ Clarence Darrow

10. Oscar Wilde

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
~ Oscar Wilde

11. George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
~ George Carlin

12. William Faulkner

It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
~ William Faulkner

13. Edgar Bergen

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
~ Edgar Bergen

14. Zig Ziglar

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.
~ Zig Ziglar

15. Tom Goins

As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
~ Tom Goins

16. Jerome K. Jerome

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
~ Jerome K. Jerome

17. Sarah Brown

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
~ Sarah Brown

18. Claude McDonald

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
~ Claude McDonald

19. Dennis Miller

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
~ Dennis Miller

20. Anonymous

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
~ Anonymous

21. Robert Orben

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
~ Robert Orben

22. Mary Kay Ash

Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.
~ Mary Kay Ash

23. Anonymous

I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
~ Anonymous

24. Anonymous

Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.
~ Anonymous

25. Stanley J. Randall

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
~ Stanley J. Randall

26. Albert Einstein

If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
~ Albert Einstein

27. Homer Simpson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
~ Homer Simpson

28. Kin Hubbard

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?
~ Kin Hubbard

29. David Letterman

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
~ David Letterman

30. Robert Frost

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
~ Robert Frost

31. Al Capp

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
~ Al Capp

32. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

33. Anonymous

Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.
~ Anonymous

34. Anonymous

Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
~ Anonymous

35. Joey Adams

People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.
~ Joey Adams

36. Charlie McCarthy

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
~ Charlie McCarthy

37. Niels Bohr

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
~ Niels Bohr

38. Francesca Elisia

The reward for good work is more work.
~ Francesca Elisia

39. Muhammad Ali

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
~ Muhammad Ali

40. Earl Nightingale

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
~ Earl Nightingale

41. Anonymous

Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.
~ Anonymous

42. Anonymous

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
~ Anonymous

43. Fats Domino

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.
~ Fats Domino

44. Drew Carey

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
~ Drew Carey

45. Don Marquis

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’
~ Don Marquis

46. J. Paul Getty

Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?
~ J. Paul Getty

47. Henny Youngman

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.
~ Henny Youngman

48. Mark Twain

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
~ Mark Twain

49. Steven Alexander Wright

When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.
~ Steven Alexander Wright

50. Will Rogers

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
~ Will Rogers

51. Anonymous

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
~ Anonymous

52. Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~ Erma Bombeck

53. William C. Feather

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.
~ William C. Feather

54. Bove’s Theorem

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
~ Bove’s Theorem

55. Ronald Reagan

The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.
~ Ronald Reagan

56. John Ciardi

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
~ John Ciardi

57. Alan Alda

It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.
~ Alan Alda

58. Junior Seau

I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.
~ Junior Seau

59. Chris Rock

I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’
~ Chris Rock

60. George Bernard Shaw

The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
~ George Bernard Shaw

61. David Ogilvy

Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.
~ David Ogilvy

62. Anonymous

Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.
~ Anonymous

63. Anonymous

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
~ Anonymous

64. Betty Reese

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
~ Betty Reese

65. Orson Scott Card

Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.
~ Orson Scott Card

66. Thomas Edison

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
~ Thomas Edison

67. Lily Tomlin

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
~ Lily Tomlin

68. Archie Bunker

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.
~ Archie Bunker

69. Dave Barry

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
~ Dave Barry

70. Josh Billings

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.
~ Josh Billings

71. Andy Stanley

Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.
~ Andy Stanley

72. Anonymous

I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!
~ Anonymous

73. Sir Claus Moser

Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.
~ Sir Claus Moser

74. Larry Winget

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.
~ Larry Winget

75. Denise Miller

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
~ Denise Miller

76. Woody Allen

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
~ Woody Allen

77. Bill Watterson

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
~ Bill Watterson

78. Bertrand Russell

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
~ Bertrand Russell

79. Tim Notke

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.
~ Tim Notke

80. Vince Lombardi

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
~ Vince Lombardi

81. Pablo Picasso

Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
~ Pablo Picasso

82. William Castle

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
~ William Castle

83. Phyllis Diller

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~ Phyllis Diller

84. Michel Tournier

Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.
~ Michel Tournier

85. Scott Adams

Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.
~ Scott Adams

86. Phil Pastoret

Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.
~ Phil Pastoret

87. Rita Rudner

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.
~ Rita Rudner

88. Proverb 10:26

Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
~ Proverb 10:26

89. Henry Kissenger

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
~ Henry Kissenger

90. Charles Lamb

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
~ Charles Lamb

91. Jim Murray

Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
~ Jim Murray

92. Ted Turner

My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.
~ Ted Turner

93. Ed Bernard

Why do people say they wish everyday was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.
~ Ed Bernard

94. Joe Girard

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
~ Don Herold

95. Steven Wright

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

~ Steven Wright

96. Joe Girard

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
~ Joe Girard

97. Sam Ewing

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.
~ Sam Ewing

98. Arthur Baer

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.
~ Arthur Baer

99. Ogden Nash

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
~ Ogden Nash

100. Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
~ Douglas Adams

101. Samuel Goldwyn

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth–even if it costs him his job.
~ Samuel Goldwyn

102. Anonymous

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
~ Anonymous

103. Dwight Morrow

The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
~ Dwight Morrow

104. Theodore Roosevelt

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
~ Theodore Roosevelt

105. Anonymous

Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking.
~ Anonymous

106. Anonymous

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
~ Anonymous

107. Huey Long

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
~ Huey Long

108. Cannon’s Law

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
~ Cannon’s Law

109. Byron Pulsifer

Anybody, somebody or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now.
~ Byron Pulsifer

110. Ray Kroc

Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.
~ Ray Kroc

Wrapping it up

Workplace fun has a way of bringing people together, reducing tension, and fostering a pleasant work environment. That lighthearted flow of jokes, memes, and funny quotes has a motivating influence on your workforce.

People will look forward to work when they are happy and engaged. A fun workplace can be the missing link in getting your employees to be more productive and perform better.

So, here is our list of funny work quotes that are so hilarious that it deserves a place on your cubicle. Whether you’re a manager who wants your team to be more engaged or you’re an employee feeling stressed out, share your favorite quote with the team or maybe stick a note on your desk.

This article is written by Bhaswati Roy who is a Content Marketer at Vantage Circle. In her spare time, she can be found reading crime thrillers or scrolling through food apps, unable to pick what to eat next. For any related queries, contact [email protected].